August 2008

Please read the following aloud. If at all possible, have each portion read by a different person. If not, please use different voices.

A: It tortures me to know that the entire time I am away I will be aware that that dog will be suffering so.
B: That “that” was superfluous.
A: Which “that?”
B: That “that” that was superfluous.
A: Is it that I should say “It tortures me to know the entire time I am away I will aware that that dog will be suffering?”
B: It was not that that that “that” referred to. It was that “that” in “that that” that that “that” was in reference to. It is that that that “That ‘that'” was meant to address.
A: My apologies.

I’ve long wondered what the deal was with candy, Slurpees and popsicles coming in the apparently fictional flavor of Blue Raspberry. After all, there is no such things as blue raspberries. So why have we all entered into a social contract where we accept blue as the flavor of a fruit which is, in fact, more or a red or maroon.

It turns out there IS a blue raspberry plant, kind of. It’s actually called the black raspberry, or more often, whitebark raspberry (Rubus leucodermis). The color is dark, almost black, but when you get down to it, it’s a deep navy blue. The juice in indeed blue, and is apparently the inspiration for blue raspberry as a flavor.

Of course, the REAL answer is that cherry had somehow claimed red, and strawberry seemed to have pink — and since candy is often sold to children and idiots, it needs to be color coded to facilitate purchase by illiterates — raspberry had very few color options. When a tenuous claim at blue showed up, it was pretty quickly agreed upon. Especially since basically no one wants to drink a blueberry Slurpee.

The only real mystery is why, instead of a dark navy blue, the foods are always an insane neon shade of blue. I suppose this goes back to an attempt to attract children and idiots.