April 2007


Or cell phone number. I get some weird phone calls. It took forever to get his creditors to stop calling me.

Anyway, I just got the following text message

Hey- this is sara. I just wanted to let you know lobo got locked up. He’ll probably b there another month hopefully less — BE EASY– LOBO

AWESOME.

Nothing funny has been happening. This is a profoundly unfunny period in history.

For you* though, I’m going to try.

Well, there you go.

I am sorry it didn’t work out.

*In this case, “you” is Michael Disney. Also, Michael, there are way worse places to work than Blockbuster, but try not to let them promote you.

I case you are thinking of reading something by Warren Ellis, let me tell you what it is probably about:

Most people are stupid stupid stupid idiot sheep people who are dumb. Also selfish. The people who control them are just ruthless jerk bastard people. The only way to win is to be the biggest bastard ever, except righteous for some reason, and out bastard the bastards. Any of the stupid sheep people you hurt on the way probably deserve it because they were dumb.

This doesn’t pay as well as Efficiency Consultant. Honestly, I think I’d have trouble getting paid at all. See, I have this thing about brevity and directness. And with a degree in Semiotics, I’d either have to do all academic stuff (which sounds dull) or write for general interest magazines, and I’d have problems there too. Like this.

Clever Title:
Pithy Subtitle Followup

Bitch is a very telling word in our culture. When applied to a woman, it means domineering, controlling, manipulative, and bossy. However, when a man is a bitch, it’s because he’s weak, easily cowed, lacks courage or conviction. Why is it that most powerful woman, a woman so powerful that her personality is unbalanced and unpleasant, is described by the same word used to describe the softest and most pliable of men?

And then that would be the end of my essay and Harpers is going “we need another 4 pages to run this.” And I’m going “Anyone who needs more evidence and explanation is retarded.” And then editor says “My sister is mentally handicapped, and I don’t appreciate that term.” So I’m like “Look, I’m sorry that your sister has a disability, but the fact is that retarded means ‘slow to grasp’, either as a result of a physiological disability, or more broadly simply because someone is poorly educated or stupid. It was the correct word choice because all of those groups are going to have trouble understanding the ideas I’ve put forth. I used the right word man, I’m a Semiotician.” And then I’m asked to leave.