January 2007


Note:
This post is going to be really nerdy. If you’re not a nerd, please accept the following euphemism for masturbation, and be on your way:

Agitating the Situation

Usage: He’s in his room, Agitating the Situation.
 
Thank you.
 

NERDS:

Man, I love Wednesday. Honestly, when the future happens, and all TV shows become downloadable, I hope they have a specific day of the week that they drop everything. News and such will be every day, but knowing that all your favorite shows will be available on Friday at noon would be pretty exciting.

(If you’re not a nerd, but you ignored my warning, Wednesday is the day all new comics come out. Pretty much everywhere. Some shops in the boonies, or Canada will get comics on Thursday, but these people are essentially second-class human beings.)

Books right now that are great!:

Justice Society of America: I grew up a Marvel geek, which makes the idea of me being deeply interested in probably the most DCU specific book imaginable unexpected, but that’s how good this is. When a comic where the lead characters are the Golden Age versions of the Flash and Green Lantern, and a boxer who dresses up like a cat, but it’s still so well written that you care desperately about them, you know something amazing is happening.

All-Star Superman: Again, this is strange coming from a guy who grew up Marvel, but this might actually be the best superhero comic. Just ever. I have trouble finding words to discuss how incredibly wonderful this book is.

The Immortal Iron-Fist: Once again, it’s a character I don’t have a history with, but this is a damn exciting book. It’s about this guy who kicks all these dudes and he’s all “HIIIYA!”

It rules.

X-Factor: It’s weird how almost everything I love right now is a good writer on characters I never really cared about before. Anyway, this isn’t the X-Men, it’s a detective story about the most indecisive private eye ever, and also a werewolf. And a creepy teenage girl who tells the future.

Astonishing X-Men: Finally, something I read growing up. The other two X-Men books are decent right now, but the plot on Uncanny is taking too long, and the art on Adjectiveless is a fucking mess. Astonishing has John Cassaday! And Joss Whedon! It also carries on the team from Morrison’s brilliant New X-Men run, which you should all read.

Helmet of Fate: Ibis the Immortal: This fucking sucks. Don’t read it.

If anyone can write the rest of this song, please let me know. I’m pretty sure we have a pop-sensation on our hands.

I aim to please
and shoot to kill
and when I play doctor
I play to win

The planet earth is now roughly at the same point in its orbit around the Sun as it was when I started (and then restarted) this site. To celebrate, I have something a little old fashioned. It’s the first Cigarettes the Clown comic in almost four years. Apparently in that time my art has changed in that I now feel the desire to draw the occasional nose.
Cigarettes 14 is missing. I will post it someday.
 

Where-in our heroes find that emulating a convicted murderer can be improving, so long as the imitation is entirely aesthetic.

If you are like me sometimes you receive a lot of unrequested career advice from people who don’t really understand what they’re talking about. For example, if you are better with computers than they are, they assume you’re a genius and should be raking in the dot-com millions.

“You’re so good with technology,” they say, “you ought to work with computers.”

I have developed the ultimate reply:
“So does the fact that I have a ten inch cock* and can fuck for hours mean I ought to be a porn star?”

The only real problem is that you can never actually use this line in real life.

*Don’t worry ladies, I didn’t forget about you. Alternatives include “can take two guys in the ass”, “have no gag reflex”, and “am comfortable with the fact that the U.S. Porn industry is really creepy most of the time.” These can work for guys too! Remember, have fun with it!

IAN returns to his chair, placing his almost finished copy of Lolita near the edge of his desk. CO-WORKER looks over and.

CO-WORKER:
(laughing at his own joke before he makes it)
You sure did spend a lot of time in the bathroom with that porno!
 
IAN:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-FUCK YOU!

fin

Ok, so I’m willing to accept faster than light travel through the use of a subspace bubble protecting the ship while it warps space around it. But the part that makes no sense is how they’re scanning planets and receiving hails while traveling at these speeds? What the fuck kind of wave or particle is catching up with them in a faster than light subspace bubble.

It’s a bunch of crap is what it is.

The man’s Girthy Love Wand was deep inside the lady’s Forest of Mystery. She bit her lip and said “Fuck,” while pinching the nipple of her large right breast, one of two breasts that were both very big and also attractive, “this is sexy.”

She was right.