The internet is the greatest collection of information in history. No library has ever rivaled it, and certainly, none has been faster. Look, check this out:

All I had to do was go to Google and search for “Pictures of Bears.” Do you have any idea how long it would have taken to find a picture of bear cubs doing Karate before the internet?

AWESOME.

Yet another good way to piss someone off.
1) Be wearing headphones.
2) Ask someone a question with a complicated answer.
3) While they answer look at them intently yet blankly.
4) When they stop talking say “Yeah, I still have these headphones on. I didn’t hear any of that. This is really loud.”
5) Ignore any reply and go back to what you were doing.
6) Now someone is angry with you!

AWESOME.

“Dude” Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.

Set in unoccupied Africa during the early days of World War II; An American expatriate meets a former lover, with unforseen complications.

A champion of a brutal cross-country car race of the future where pedestrians are run down for points has a change of heart while being hounded by rivals and a conspiracy seeking to stop the race.

A highschooler discovers that he is a werewolf.

Following the death of a publishing tycoon, news reporters scramble to discover the meaning of his final utterance.

AWESOME.

A lot of people think swears from other countries are funny, or absurd, like the Dutch kut met peren, which means, literally, cunt with pears. It’s an exclamation analogous to yelling son of a bitch after stubbing your toe.

But consider how weird the phrase son of a bitch is. It means the male child of a female dog. Basically, it is a puppy. People from the U.S. get angry and yell puppy!

AWESOME.

Apparently, some Jews don’t even celebrate Hanukkah at all. It’s really easy to ignore, like St. Jean Baptiste Day or something.

Man, who doesn’t celebrate St. Jean day? You get to talk in a snooty accent and insist that everything be written in French as well as English!

It’s true! In many ways, St. Jean Baptiste day is superior to Hanukkah.

Right. You give up the latkes and the candles, but instead there’s poutine and bonfires. St. Jean Baptiste day rocks!

 
 

This June 24th, Celebrate St. Jean Baptiste Day! The only holiday named after John the Baptist that is also a celebration of French Canada!
 

 
Cet vingt quatre du Jun, fairez une fête por le Jour St. Jean Baptiste! Le seulement jour férié appelles por St. Jean Baptiste c’est aussi une fête du Canada Français!

AWESOME.

I wrote this joke after talking with my friend about Scorpion and Felix, a novel Karl Marx wrote before all that communism stuff got started.

AHEM!

Two philosophers walk into a bar.
The first one says “Dialectical Discourse is always useful for determining the validity of a position.”
and the second philosopher says “No it isn’t.”

AWESOME.

As far as my Google searches show, the phrase just a little horse porn is extant nowhere on the internet. Nowhere, that is, until now.

AWESOME.

People who obsess over their favorite form of entertainment to the point of dressing up in the costumes associated with them are sad at best, and possibly dangerously disconnected from reality.

 
 
 
 
 
 

People who obsess over their favorite form of entertainment to the point of dressing up in the costumes associated with them are sad at best, and possibly dangerously disconnected from reality.

 
 
AWESOME.

When discussing the classing sixth season Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Starship Mine” yesterday, I described it as “Under Siege on a spaceship.” Tara has never seen Under Siege, and asked what it was. I answered that it was “Die Hard on a boat.” Mike asked about “Die Hard on a plane,” and I said that both Die Hard 2 and Passenger 57 were Die Hard on a plane. I didn’t include Air Force One, since that’s kind of Die Hard, but it’s also a home invasion movie.

Oddly enough, Die Hard With a Vengence is not Die Hard anywhere. It’s just about a scavenger hunt that blows up.

I guess what I’m saying is, I am not going to pay money to see Live Free or Die Hard. Instead, I’m just going to look at this picture, cause there’s no way that isn’t the best part.

He blows up a helicopter with a cop car!

AWESOME.

So, it took me about two decades to realize that the mice in An American Tail were Jewish. It simply never occurred to me. I was looking up Dom Delousie on IMDB about a year ago and it was as obvious then as it had been to everyone else since the movie came out.

HOWEVER!

It is only within the past week or so that I’ve realized WHY I didn’t notice the Mousekewitz* family was basically just a collection of Eastern-European-Jewish-Stereotypes. I didn’t know what Jewish people were. I was raised with the understanding that the only difference between races was skin color, and that even that didn’t matter.

I have no idea how to reconcile this with the fact that my mom watched Fiddler on the Roof like ninety times.

AWESOME.

*I know, how much more obvious could they have been?